Sunday I worked a couple of crazy hours and then went down to SJ to see my homegirl Kayleigh. It's only been a little over a year, but it feels like much to long. I mean, I've known this girl since 4th grade!! I need her in my life.
So we had a grand old time at her grandparents catered party with an open bar. I emphasize the openness of the bar here. Margaritas were flowing, and for some reason it seemed like a good idea. Long story short Barbie came to pick me up and we went to visit a few friends, but I was definitely not "able to drive."
So Monday I felt like boo boo. I had to drive back to SF, and all of a sudden I got hid with this huge wave of sadness. Not of the 'I want to kill myself' variety, but just sadness. Mostly because I thought of my dad.
I know I have plenty of people that love me, but sometimes I just remember that there is always going to be a little empty place left for him in my heart.
I hate that I can't remember his voice. I hate hearing motorcycles and hoping its him coming home. I hate that he isn't here.
And I love that two of my best friends offered their dads to walk me down the aisle (like that will ever happen) but I hate that I would need someone else to do that.
Debbie Downer, I know. But I feel like I've suppressed it for so long, and need to deal with shit sometime. I just wish he was here. I know my life would be completely different and I may have never met the amazing people I have or done the things I have, but to just have one hug from him... I wouldn't hate that.
No comments:
Post a Comment